Outside Some Publix

Thick air foamed into filled pores of sticky skin. Johanne Murloft grasped her two thin shopping bags, seething from the several bottles of spring water and a hot rotisserie chicken. The warm cooked steam didn’t help quell the Florida heat that now surged above its usual 95 degrees. She made a beeline to her car, holding the bag of chicken in her arm to seal its hot contents from stinging her skin. The ride was a mid-sized Subaru with a white coat and peach plates. It blinked at her keys. With little thought, she flipped open the trunk and threw her quick dinner purchase into the back before closing it and taking a seat at the wheel.

The inside reached its molasses consistency air from the ten minutes it sat below the growing mushroom clouds. Johanne slightly cursed to herself about the possibility of the car being in the shade if she’d just waited a little later for the coming shower. She would’ve gotten soaked, but it beat the burning feeling when she grasped her hands to the sun baked steering wheel. She turned the keys, bringing her free hand to the air conditioning.

In that moment, the most inexplicable phenomena skirted past her corner of vision. It was a dark shape, growing till it engulfed her passenger window. Before she took her fingers off the knob, her heart leaped. The unexpected sound of the passenger door opening brought her to a jump just as a tall female figure plopped into the seat beside her. The stranger had entered like they were escaping from a robbery. Enough for Johanne to shrink back to the other side of the car, thinking she was getting attacked. She barely mustered back a yelp. But not before the woman spoke.

“Alright hon, those cuts aren’t going to eat themselves.”

“What?”

“Adam’s Rib co, it’s closing in an hour, let’s get moving.”

Johanne sat there speechless. She’d returned to her former position at her seat. The stranger’s voice bellowed in a way that snapped her into attention. Though she realized she wasn’t getting attacked, the stranger’s size was enough to keep her from taking liberties with further arm room. Sitting beside her was a seven foot tall woman that weighed at least two hundred pounds. She had long black hair and wore what Johanne could only register as some sort of gothic stage clothes. No matter how much she racked her brains, Johanne was sure she’d never seen her before.

“Uh… ma’am, I think you have the wrong car.”

“Nah, this is the right one. Come on, let’s get going.”

“I’m not an Uber.”

The hairs on Johanne’s neck spiked. Sweat poured down the small of her back. Distant thunder came from the west as she waited for a response.

“I didn’t say you were an Uber. I said we’re going to Adam’s Rib co. Come on, let’s go!”

“Ma’am, please get out of my car.”

Johanne’s gut flipped when the stranger turned to her. Her sweat gushed down quicker. She desperately wanted to turn on the AC as the car’s thick heat continued to wet her neck. While nothing sickly came through in the woman’s face, Johanne turned to theories of drugs or some mental illness. The woman seemed mildly annoyed rather than infuriated to Johanne’s relief. Then came the next wave of discomfort. The woman didn’t answer Johanne’s retort. Instead, she continued the annoyed glance like Johanne had been rude to her.

“Are you serious right now? You don’t want the Rib to Go? The full slab rib with barbeque sauce that melts in your mouth like butter? Don’t tell me you ate already.”

“Get out of my car.”

“We could always share the Adam’s Delight special if you just want the pudding and wafers.”

“I’m not going to Adam’s Rib co!”

The assertive response hadn’t moved the stranger in her seat. Neither had it shifted the woman’s hand that was too close to the AC knob for Johanne to make any moves. Johanne thought of pushing her, but realized that was nearly impossible because of the woman’s size. She had no time to repeat herself before the stranger blurted out again.

“Oh yes, you are!”

“Why?”

“Because this is your destiny baby! The universe has aligned us to be right here right now and for you to drive us to Adam’s Rib co to order the Rib to Go while I talk to you about how cheese bites are objectively better than fried okra and how Brian Jones was actually murdered and Mic Jagger and Keith Richards are in on it while you ignore my conversation and instead remark about how quickly that Target across the street got boarded up and that your angry about no longer having it…”

“Get out!”

Johanne thought she would’ve left the car, but she stood her ground. In a flash of confused rage she gathered up the courage to give the woman a good shove. The stranger laughed at her advance like Johanne was nothing but a sister rough housing with her. Johanne fiddled through her purse for a vial of pepper spray in case things got uglier. She was about to exit the vehicle to pull the assailant out when disaster struck. A crisp bolt of lightning illuminated the Publix parking lot before it poured. In seconds, the surroundings became white with dense rain.

“I’m not getting out of here.”

The woman reclined in the seat after she said it in a shrugging tone. Seconds became hours for Johanne as she prayed for the rain to last for less than a minute. It didn’t. Instead, the woman just lay facing the ceiling, looking like she was about to take a nap. Johanne took out her phone from her purse and waved it at the woman.

“I’m calling the cops if you don’t move it.”

“Whatever man. I don’t know why you’re freaking out so much.”

Johanne wasn’t sure to be confused, furious, or scared when the woman responded sleepily while still gazing at the ceiling. The rain was showing no signs of slowing down. She schemed of making a move once it stopped, but the wait was deafening. All she could do was sit there, helpless, as this intruder made home of her rightful domain.

“Are we goin or not?”

The stranger said this in the same relaxed tone. It only added fuel to Johanne’s growing rage. In that moment, her loathing came to a peak. She shoved open the door. A blast of warm rain drenched her Cocoa beach T-shirt and jean shorts. Rushing streams of water lapped over her sandals as she trudged to the passenger door. The woman snapped around in surprise when Johanne pulled it open and grabbed her by the arm.

“GET!..OUT…OF…MY…CAR!”

“Hey come on now, don’t choose hate.”

Small hands wrapped around the thick wrist of the stranger. It was like trying to pull a horse. Johanne tugged and growled as rain soaked her through her underwear. She could not see the figure in the car through the water streaming into her eyes, only knew that she was pulling with all her might. The woman’s voice came to her again, now pleading through the rushing shower.

“Please! Please! Just let me help you. You need to let it go. You need to complain about the Target as we’re driving down the street to Adam’s Rib co and then point to the old Krispy Kreme at the next intersection and say how bad their filled donuts are as I turn on the Gator game at full blast as we go past the knife sharpening center and pull into the Adam’s Rib co parking lot. It’s an event of delicious food and joy and love and you should savor every moment.”

Johanne barely heard anything said through her exerting vocals and rain. She only thought of winning and slowly realizing she was fighting a losing battle. Her arms had become wet and tired as the woman remained in the vehicle nearly unsoaked, bested by a stranger that did nothing but sit firmly in her seat. Johanne let out one last shriek in frustration before glaring at her passenger. Their eyes locked.

“Don’t you want it? The answer to your life’s most difficult questions. The power to achieve perpetual enlightenment?”

Small divots of blue appeared in the sky ahead. The white sheet of rain dissipated to a spit drizzle. Johanne saw and heard these last words, not sure what came before them and not caring. She grumbled and put her hands to her head before putting them back to her sides to reattach her glare to the stranger. In one bitter hiss she said.

“Fine!”

“We’re going?”

“Yes, we’re going to Adam’s fuckin Rib co!”

The stranger smiled and made a joyous clap.

“Heck yeah! Let’s get moving.”

Johanne walked back to the driver’s seat and slumped down behind the wheel. By the looks of her passenger’s excitement, she was in for one bizarre ride.